Kick Off (Freestyle)

"I've always looked at battle rap as competition or war, and the main objective is to destroy, completely fuckin' obliterate your opponent by saying anything and everything, whatever the fuck you can, to get a reaction from the crowd. So nothing's off limits." I need you to spit that lyrical miracle… in the swimming pool Before this kicks off, let me set my balls on this tees 'Cause I'm dottin' I's every time I cross one of these There's not a redeeming quality at all in me It's impossible, seems like an implausible dream Positive clean thoughts intervene But they're all either altered and mean Assault and demean, tossed and they're being lost in the scheme Squashed in between a brainwashing machine Like an Islamic regime, a jihadist extreme radical Suicide bomber that's seeing Ariana Grande sing her last song of the evening And as the audience from the damn concert is leaving Detonates the device strapped to his abdominal region I'm not gonna finish that, for obvious reasons But bring your dogs, I'ma muzzle 'em I'm not Middle Eastern but I'll make a bitch rock a hijab And at least a extra large in a T-shirt Headscarf and a piece of tarp underneath the carpet, hasta la vista I go Hamas on the beats, a paradox on the beach And a pair of crotchless underwear on a terrorist watch list Gettin' head in the sand like an embarrassed ostrich Professional shit sprayer Bitch watch who you talkin' to, like Apple wristwear Endangered species in this ABC shit a bit scarce Prey's decreasing, I face extinction like disc players Told this chick she's hot as Jada Pinkett And just stared 'til I made her think it Said, "Maybe we should just get married." She's facing me, I placed my feet with my hips square Tell her, "Turn around," spread her legs for me, then I hit bare Leave her stretched out like a baby T-shirt on Ric Flair As I rip, tear, anal beads in a split rear Spray Febreze in the chick's hair Make her wheeze tryna get air I played for keeps, there's no escaping me, I have a bitch scared And chained to me, and throw away the key And she'll be so afraid to leave That even if she ends up breaking free she'll just sit there Tryin' to scrape up enough courage and strength to get up It's impossible like rapin' a slut We stay butt-naked and fuck You're close, wait for you, what? My idea, you comin' too, is waking you up With smelling salts after I Quaalude your cup That'll straighten you up if you try to stray like a pup Hate to get bogged down in details But bitch, I'm like the dog pound with females My brain is corrupt, real life, Hillside Strangler I strangle a skank's neck 'til it's triangular Shaped but it's upside down, and my mouth ain't gonna shut And mention me in your raps if it makes you a buck Or helps you rake in the ducats, I want payment in pub 'Cause I ain't tryna get in your bars like I'm waiting the club But if you put me in your lines, I'm takin' a cut Get a million writers inside of a room combined in it Try to get every idea of every possible line to spit Every punchline, every combination that rhymes with it Bitch, a whole team can't see me, there's no I's in it Head so big, I shot myself ten times in it Tryna commit suicide and it took five minutes And I survived this shit Someone's gonna challenge me, who? Battle me and win, that's a fucking fallacy too You name one motherfucker in this galaxy, *spits*, reality You fantasy, rally your troops, try to boost the morale Only time I start a movement's a bowel I can't even give a "yeah" or a "woo" when you rap in the booth Not even a "nah" or a "boo" 'Cause even though I'm allergic to the crap that you spew When I'm 'bout to break out, I don't mean get a rash from it too 'Cause when I say I have allergies, I actually do But that's just an analogy, I've never had a reaction to you Creature from the Black Lagoon I reach up and I smack the moon You're grief struck that I'm back so soon Your teacher for this afternoon Creep up with a pack of hoodlums We pack a punch like Caprisun Heat tucked like we each snuck in a sub-machine gun We stuck in a submarine bun, with a bag of shrooms Cup of lean up in the padded room Justin Bieber in a Catholic school Selling dust and reefer when your back is to him Don't adjust your speaker I'll cuss the stripes off of a fuckin' zebra when I'm at the zoo Huffin' cleaner 'til I gag from fumes Fuck Christina with a plastic spoon While I bump some G-Funk and blast some Snoop 'Cause her double G-cups are massive, huge! It's fun for me just to grab a boob Plus my penis got an attitude My fuckin' wiener's in a combative mood Come and suck a mean one like it's mad at you I speak tongue-in-cheek, what you asslicks do 'Cause you love to eat butt, it's sad but true I just sprung a leak suddenly What I think in my gut instinct become in sync My thoughts and my stomach link up with each other Ink touches the pad, then boom! Since the day Dre gave me beats, I was made elite That's basically what makes me me Creating stink, 'til these tats are fading ink Who's the greatest? Think we're still debating, wink ADD, and better put out an APB 'Cause it'll take LAPD and me layin' in the street For you to see Shady beat And I'll bet ya they'd need cleats 'Cause I'd have to be stomped by forty men to suffer a defeat I pray please Jesus to make me decent Inhaling the main ingredient of pain relievers, and saline I take three Aleves, tryna break these fevers, I'm ailing I stay free of divas and ladies screamin' 'Cause they keep schemin' on me Vading keepin' the women at bay Like Laci Peterson, baby fetuses Legs and feet have been weighted, chained in semen It's straight demon—and wait! Even if it takes meat cleavers to make believers Mistake-free schemes are enablin' me to remain deviant Breakbeat, eat her like steak meat Emcees take seats like AMC theaters Deranged ringleader, depraved king Who mainstream media hates Which makes things easier, still under scrutiny Villainous smooth criminal, livin' room With the nude Reese Witherspoon Who was bruised, beat with a broom It's in two pieces, and lays deceased in it Pit with a chewed leash, and his chain-link leapin' it Live in the booth, shave, eat, bathe, drink, sleep in it R-A-P bleed the shit, still and I poop, pee it It's a spillage, a sewage leak, waist-deep feces The syllables ooze fecal, they feel like renewed leases 'Cause my brain releases 'em Like waste excretion, it's simultaneously As I'm givin' these fools grief, they're feelin' the blues 'Cause even if stealin' my shoes, thieves Just to fill 'em's a huge feat A hill and it's too steep Obey these demons, we're still in cahoots Keep feedin' me blank sheets As soon as I sank these teeth And I'm killin' the loose leaf Time to shake these trees again Wait, make that phrase repeat again Killin' the loose leaf, shake these trees again Get the rake, but it ain't me leavin' 'em Vicodins, Nuprins, I bite them and chew them The whites and the blues mixed with nitrous balloons And I like to sniff gluesticks, put Ricin on toothpicks On the mic I'm just ruthless, a crisis, a nuisance Who I influence I give two shits If they wanna license my music to entice with Then use the shit like it's the blueprint for ISIS recruitment Excuse me while I stare into space for a few In a daze or a haze, glazed over, crazed warped loon Mental cased off, always had a straight-forward view But you bozos keep givin' the flamethrower fuel No one's ever sank lower, shrewd, and way more rude Beast-mode like a lawn-mower blade rolled through it And this has little to do with bein' gay, boy It's just where the wordplay's goin' But ain't much I can say or do 'Cause ain't no excuse, the way I go at you {censored} You say I'm always screw-faced So if I look your way, you're screwed 'Cause if looks could kill, I could start a hate war too 'Cause I'd murder you straight bitches by turnin' the gaze on you Let's take it back before the tightly-worn pants To the Nike, Jordan hats The stripe Lee's, Jordache, and the white tees Lightning storms might be formed fast Such a frightening forecast But when you're slightly hoarse, rasp From the cyphering or gasp, but still reciting your raps While you're tightening your grasp around the mic 'cause you done shitted on it so much, you're always reminded of your past 'Cause your heiny's sore, that's 'Cause you still haven't finished fuckin' wiping your ass From the night before last No good, but rap's somethin' I'm too-good-for-my-own-good at Fuck adulthood, I'm a grown-up brat Where your cojones at? Mine are always being rode, in fact They're frozen, you ever seen a cul-de-sac? So big they fell out my scrotum, I just sewed 'em back Dick so long, need a shoulder-strap For that, gotta unroll it and fold it back So difficult to wrap in the prophylactic, it overlaps it So I pack a Trojan so fat, when I lay it flat it's like a yoga mat Make a bitch think she's in aerobics class The bear you don't wanna poke is back The backbone of rap, your fuckin' lead singles are my bonus tracks When I appear, my peers stop Hearts fall in their stomach, their spirits drop Careers flop, their gears lock, severe shock Fear at the mere thought Lyrics are top-tier, I'm so high at the top I'm in the sky when I talk Bitch, I'm so fly when I walk, my ears pop Oh, and I'm just playin' ladies, you know I love you I got a idea for a line